The Essence of a Gentleman

I went to visit my grandpa today at his care home. As always, my favourite part of the visit was that first moment. The one where he looks up to see who has come in to visit him and there is a definite flicker of recognition in his eyes. His eyes light up and then he smiles slowly as he places you. In that moment he knows you... and even better he knows that you love him. You can tell.

It is hard to visit sometimes. Awkward. Grandpa is often in a different time or place. Worried about things from years past. So we try to calm his worries. Smile and agree, distract him, or switch topics. Our disjointed conversations are peppered with moments of clarity. In those clear and fleeting moments we can connect. Hot topics for connection are taxes, bridges, politics, vehicles, golf, and occasionally even current events. Just when you are sure that he is mentally residing in the 1960's he will surprise you with a tidbit from the evening news. Then in the next breath he embarks on a new line of questioning as he tries to get his bearings and figure out his surroundings but he is obviously confused. Yes, it is hard to watch a man who was so clear in his opinions and beliefs, now have such muddled thoughts. Still, it is important to visit and to learn more about this man who has lived almost three times as long as me.

I heard once that when you near the end of your life and your body fails, and your mind falters it is your soul that is left. In old age your spirit is exposed without the mind's ego or the bravado of your body. All that is left is the essence of your being. That notion has always stuck with me. I am grateful to witness my grandpa's gentle, humble, funny, and loving soul. He truly is a gentleman.